Thank you for sharing this family story. In 2007, my mother called me and, in a scared and tearful voice, said that her small business was failing, she had spent her 125k inheritance instead of investing it as I suggested, and she had over 100k in credit card debt. All she had left was her small home in AZ. She was terrified she would become homeless. My late husband and I were able to assume her mortgage so she and my stepfather could have a safe place to live out their retirement. It turned into an almost 20-year commitment, and I am finally selling the place. After my folks died, I discovered that they had accumulated more CC debt, and I realized that my mom had a serious addiction to shopping and stuff. I harbor resentment after reviewing their finances and realizing that they were more than capable of paying their full mortgage and bills, as their monthly income was far more than what I was told. At least I have the house to recoup the 1000s I invested in it. My experience taught me to be open with my son about my finances as I age. Each year, I provide the simple assets and debt accounting to him. i urge everyone to have a financial discussion with the elders in their lives.
Thank you for sharing this intimate piece, Brooke. A painting of a sincere and tender father and his loving and adoring daughter facing their humanity. I appreciate your vulnerability which opens up memories of learning my dad was merely human too! Oh, Father's Day.
This is an important story that resonated deeply with me. I understand all too well what it feels like to find yourself parenting your parents—especially when it comes to finances. Twenty-three years ago, when I was thirty-three, my dad had a major stroke. He was starting a new business at the time—buying used cars from auctions and selling them to clients for a modest profit. He believed this new business would make him rich! He threw all his resources into this venture, loading up on cars he thought would be easy to sell. He had redirected his money to his new business and stopped paying for things like health insurance. He survived his stroke but was significantly disabled, unable to move the right side of his body or speak, except for the word "okay." He was also uninsurable. My stepmother was suddenly buried in debt and overwhelmed by my father's care. That's when I found myself in charge of his finances and faced with financial decisions that would impact my future, since my parents had no financial safety net. Today, my dad is eighty-three. He and my stepmother continue to live in their own apartment, but that requires me to supplement their disability income and pay for a part-time caregiver. My mom and dad divorced when I was nine and I didn't see my dad much when I was a child or young adult. Until his stroke, I didn't consider us close. It probably seems strange that I'd choose to help him after his absenteeism in my youth. Maybe it is. But I'm grateful for the past twenty-three years. Since his stroke, I've visited regularly and helped out by giving my stepmother caregiver breaks. Don't get me wrong—I wish he had been more financially responsible, and I hope to never saddle my children with the costs I've incurred on his behalf. But choosing to help my dad opened the door to a relationship with him I never would have had otherwise. The joy in his "okay" when I call, and the tears he sheds when we say goodbye at the end of our visits, mean more to me than the monthly checks I write. When a daughter feels loved and appreciated by her father, she is blessed.
This is powerful, Georgine. I think it makes so much sense that you would want to have a relationship after absenteeism in your youth—and this story really shows your heart. And of course there are unexpected gifts in hard experiences.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and touching story. As caretaker for my mom, I took over her finances for the last four years of her life. We became closer than we ever had been before, and it profoundly changed me to see and participate in the way she had managed her finances. And her life. I learned so much about her and about myself during that time.
Brooke, I’m sorry you faced these gut-wrenching decisions at the end of your dad’s life. The pictures you shared show a lifetime of loving memories, and in the end, I know that’s the part that matters most.
(My dad passed this year leaving a sizable estate, all of which went to his second wife and my half-sister. 🤷🏻♀️)
I felt this deep in my heart. I had a complicated relationship with my birth father. He left when I was three months old. I met him when I was thirteen. As I grew older and we got to know each other, he would always talk about money and how I needed to put 10% of my money back for savings. He even mailed me a book by Charles Schwab. When he died, my stepmother told me about how much debt he had on his credit card, the bad investments he’d made, and the worthless pieces of property he’d bought. He spoke as if he were a money wizard.
I’m glad you are breaking the cycle with your brother and your son.
This hit home for me. Thank you for sharing so openly. It has validated my concerns about my parents and the conversations that need to come. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, he sounded like a wonderful man.
My dad owned his own business and what I learned later was how poor a businessman he was. He’d made a number of terrible decisions and trusted people he shouldn’t have. When I was much younger I wanted to take over the family business. Sadly, I was ready, he wasn’t and by the time he was ready the business was in bad shape and I didn’t trust him enough to go into business together.
I worked for other companies for my entire career and in my fifties my wife and I hired professionals to manage our investments. I retired a year ago in good financial shape. I didn’t repeat his mistakes. My kids finances are in good shape too.
This is so powerful Brooke and it’s great to see your personal stories on here too. These conversations are so important!
This is so moving and also will be so helpful to many I suspect. Today I honor you father, along with mine.
Thank you for sharing this family story. In 2007, my mother called me and, in a scared and tearful voice, said that her small business was failing, she had spent her 125k inheritance instead of investing it as I suggested, and she had over 100k in credit card debt. All she had left was her small home in AZ. She was terrified she would become homeless. My late husband and I were able to assume her mortgage so she and my stepfather could have a safe place to live out their retirement. It turned into an almost 20-year commitment, and I am finally selling the place. After my folks died, I discovered that they had accumulated more CC debt, and I realized that my mom had a serious addiction to shopping and stuff. I harbor resentment after reviewing their finances and realizing that they were more than capable of paying their full mortgage and bills, as their monthly income was far more than what I was told. At least I have the house to recoup the 1000s I invested in it. My experience taught me to be open with my son about my finances as I age. Each year, I provide the simple assets and debt accounting to him. i urge everyone to have a financial discussion with the elders in their lives.
Oh my goodness, Sue. That's so much. And yes, we change the narrative through learning these hard lessons, don't we?
Thank you for sharing this intimate piece, Brooke. A painting of a sincere and tender father and his loving and adoring daughter facing their humanity. I appreciate your vulnerability which opens up memories of learning my dad was merely human too! Oh, Father's Day.
This is an important story that resonated deeply with me. I understand all too well what it feels like to find yourself parenting your parents—especially when it comes to finances. Twenty-three years ago, when I was thirty-three, my dad had a major stroke. He was starting a new business at the time—buying used cars from auctions and selling them to clients for a modest profit. He believed this new business would make him rich! He threw all his resources into this venture, loading up on cars he thought would be easy to sell. He had redirected his money to his new business and stopped paying for things like health insurance. He survived his stroke but was significantly disabled, unable to move the right side of his body or speak, except for the word "okay." He was also uninsurable. My stepmother was suddenly buried in debt and overwhelmed by my father's care. That's when I found myself in charge of his finances and faced with financial decisions that would impact my future, since my parents had no financial safety net. Today, my dad is eighty-three. He and my stepmother continue to live in their own apartment, but that requires me to supplement their disability income and pay for a part-time caregiver. My mom and dad divorced when I was nine and I didn't see my dad much when I was a child or young adult. Until his stroke, I didn't consider us close. It probably seems strange that I'd choose to help him after his absenteeism in my youth. Maybe it is. But I'm grateful for the past twenty-three years. Since his stroke, I've visited regularly and helped out by giving my stepmother caregiver breaks. Don't get me wrong—I wish he had been more financially responsible, and I hope to never saddle my children with the costs I've incurred on his behalf. But choosing to help my dad opened the door to a relationship with him I never would have had otherwise. The joy in his "okay" when I call, and the tears he sheds when we say goodbye at the end of our visits, mean more to me than the monthly checks I write. When a daughter feels loved and appreciated by her father, she is blessed.
This is powerful, Georgine. I think it makes so much sense that you would want to have a relationship after absenteeism in your youth—and this story really shows your heart. And of course there are unexpected gifts in hard experiences.
I appreciate how difficult this very personal trauma was to share with others, but as you surmise, it will be a gift for many. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing such a personal and touching story. As caretaker for my mom, I took over her finances for the last four years of her life. We became closer than we ever had been before, and it profoundly changed me to see and participate in the way she had managed her finances. And her life. I learned so much about her and about myself during that time.
What a gift, Anna.
I love it when you write and share personal work. Thank you.
❤️
Heart-breaking. You are brave to post this.
Your story represents a clear-eyed assessment of a fraught relationship. Hugs!
Brooke, I’m sorry you faced these gut-wrenching decisions at the end of your dad’s life. The pictures you shared show a lifetime of loving memories, and in the end, I know that’s the part that matters most.
(My dad passed this year leaving a sizable estate, all of which went to his second wife and my half-sister. 🤷🏻♀️)
Oh geez—that's tough and I yes, we gotta hold onto the parts that matter most. I feel that so much.
Thank you for this.
Such a beautiful, profound essay with an important message. Thank you for re-sharing.
I felt this deep in my heart. I had a complicated relationship with my birth father. He left when I was three months old. I met him when I was thirteen. As I grew older and we got to know each other, he would always talk about money and how I needed to put 10% of my money back for savings. He even mailed me a book by Charles Schwab. When he died, my stepmother told me about how much debt he had on his credit card, the bad investments he’d made, and the worthless pieces of property he’d bought. He spoke as if he were a money wizard.
I’m glad you are breaking the cycle with your brother and your son.
This hit home for me. Thank you for sharing so openly. It has validated my concerns about my parents and the conversations that need to come. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, he sounded like a wonderful man.
This is a beautiful, poignant piece. Thank you for sharing this painful story so honestly.
My dad owned his own business and what I learned later was how poor a businessman he was. He’d made a number of terrible decisions and trusted people he shouldn’t have. When I was much younger I wanted to take over the family business. Sadly, I was ready, he wasn’t and by the time he was ready the business was in bad shape and I didn’t trust him enough to go into business together.
I worked for other companies for my entire career and in my fifties my wife and I hired professionals to manage our investments. I retired a year ago in good financial shape. I didn’t repeat his mistakes. My kids finances are in good shape too.
This is good news. At least we have the opportunity to break the cycles when we have these hard experiences. Thanks for sharing, Bruce.