Brooke, thank you so much for this! It was really helpful to hear as a first-time author. Part of the copy-edit process felt detached to me, and your perspective gave me much needed insight. I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of validation in this process and I love your point that the most powerful validation comes from within. Yes! 🙏
When people flatter too much I feel like they're putting on for me. You have... nothing but compliments? Thanks, I guess. I'm not asking the person to be vicious. Just present a well-rounded opinion. You wouldn't be looking at it if I didn't think it was good.
This is such a great point! I feel the same way, like: I know what's good, I need to know what's not working. I think it's just important for us to tell them specifically what we need, especially when it's someone who doesn't regularly give feedback to a writer. They are probably afraid of hurting our feelings!
Yay Brooke! I find flattery to be similar to an empty ice cream carton left in the freezer. During the whole process of developing my MS I always asked for feedback that will help make it better- just telling me you loved it doesn’t help. And we all for sure need the validation of being told when we are doing a good job - but it only means something if we really are doing a good job.
Love this. When I'm asked to give other writers advice, my top tip is always to develop a relationship with your work that isn't dependent on anything external, positive or negative. As an aside, I do also "star" and save emails that make me feel especially good, which are usually just a few, kind and sincere words. I have "starred" more than one of the emails you've sent me. Thanks for the encouragement and support!
Brooke, Very timely for me as I am working with an editor on my TWBH books/brand proposal. Thanks! I must admit, I look to work with individuals who are excited about what my work is about but also feel they can make it better in different ways that I 1) am not capable of/ good at 2) did not think of (to my that is really exciting to see) 3) relate to areas that are not a good use of my time and energy compared to other aspects of my work that need my attention
I've struggled at times as an editor with providing insufficient praise to authors. Have learned to sense when someone needs more propping up--and then to avoid what could come off as flattery (i.e., by definition, insincere) and instead focus on what they've done to show they can learn and grow as an author.
This is great. I love the positive feedback I get from my editor, but I also love it when she finds something I didn’t catch, helps me be aware of a repetitive sentence or strange structure, and helps me to be a better writer.
Good one, Brooke! I remember courting an author as sincerely as I could and with genuine flattery because I really wanted her book for my catalog. I knew I had competition, but I didnt know who, and that made me try harder. I genuinely loved her book and even had cover ideas in my head. When she told me she had signed with She Writes, I sighed and told her she was in good hands. I'm pleased I was even in the running!
Thank you, Brooke. Very important points for all authors. An editor who flatters does not make your book better! Just like a teacher evaluating a student’s work, she can suggest ways to make your book stronger.
Thanks Brooke. Really appreciate your perspective here. To be honest, your piece made me think of some feedback I received a bunch of years ago on some early draft pages that offered so much specific and effusive praise that the compliments/love actually stopped me in my writing tracks. I was a bit overwhelmed, and wasn't sure I could keep the "magic" going. I've never experienced that kind of block before, and it took me a few days to get back to doing the work.
Oh, that mentor was very sincere. No worries there. I guess what I was trying to convey is that, even if heartfelt, effusive love (like super negative criticism) can interfere with a writer’s productivity.
Brooke, thank you so much for this! It was really helpful to hear as a first-time author. Part of the copy-edit process felt detached to me, and your perspective gave me much needed insight. I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of validation in this process and I love your point that the most powerful validation comes from within. Yes! 🙏
Yes, you've got this. It's a journey to publication and an even longer journey to self-validation.
When people flatter too much I feel like they're putting on for me. You have... nothing but compliments? Thanks, I guess. I'm not asking the person to be vicious. Just present a well-rounded opinion. You wouldn't be looking at it if I didn't think it was good.
This is such a great point! I feel the same way, like: I know what's good, I need to know what's not working. I think it's just important for us to tell them specifically what we need, especially when it's someone who doesn't regularly give feedback to a writer. They are probably afraid of hurting our feelings!
Flattery always feels phony. Encouragement, on the other hand, is like a nice arm around the shoulder. Such a wise essay.
That's a lovely analogy! Supportive and firm, like an arm around the shoulder. :-)
Yay Brooke! I find flattery to be similar to an empty ice cream carton left in the freezer. During the whole process of developing my MS I always asked for feedback that will help make it better- just telling me you loved it doesn’t help. And we all for sure need the validation of being told when we are doing a good job - but it only means something if we really are doing a good job.
Haha. Love your analogy.
Love this. When I'm asked to give other writers advice, my top tip is always to develop a relationship with your work that isn't dependent on anything external, positive or negative. As an aside, I do also "star" and save emails that make me feel especially good, which are usually just a few, kind and sincere words. I have "starred" more than one of the emails you've sent me. Thanks for the encouragement and support!
Love this, Patricia—and that's good for me to hear, too.
Brooke, Very timely for me as I am working with an editor on my TWBH books/brand proposal. Thanks! I must admit, I look to work with individuals who are excited about what my work is about but also feel they can make it better in different ways that I 1) am not capable of/ good at 2) did not think of (to my that is really exciting to see) 3) relate to areas that are not a good use of my time and energy compared to other aspects of my work that need my attention
Your blog serves me. Thank you!!
Thank you for reading, Sunita!
Loved the tiara 👑 gesture - clever! I adore the honesty in this article - to the point, and sweet all at once. Wise advice.
I love asking a flatterer the specifics of what they liked. A sure way to spot BS!
Indeed, the flattery from fly-by-night “agents” and “publishers” is often accompanied by complete ignorance of the books they praise so fulsomely.
I've struggled at times as an editor with providing insufficient praise to authors. Have learned to sense when someone needs more propping up--and then to avoid what could come off as flattery (i.e., by definition, insincere) and instead focus on what they've done to show they can learn and grow as an author.
Yes, encouragement over flattery. But those lines maybe get blurred sometimes.
Your writing is always so incisive, Brooke. And the topics you choose have such relevance. Thank you!
Thank you for reading!!
This is great. I love the positive feedback I get from my editor, but I also love it when she finds something I didn’t catch, helps me be aware of a repetitive sentence or strange structure, and helps me to be a better writer.
Thanks Brooke!
Very important subject!
Btw, I like you the way you are💙
❤️
Thank you Brooke! As a memoir-in-process writer, I found your essay enlightening and helpful!
Good one, Brooke! I remember courting an author as sincerely as I could and with genuine flattery because I really wanted her book for my catalog. I knew I had competition, but I didnt know who, and that made me try harder. I genuinely loved her book and even had cover ideas in my head. When she told me she had signed with She Writes, I sighed and told her she was in good hands. I'm pleased I was even in the running!
Aw. ❤️❤️ Thanks for sharing this, Teri.
Thank you, Brooke. Very important points for all authors. An editor who flatters does not make your book better! Just like a teacher evaluating a student’s work, she can suggest ways to make your book stronger.
Thanks Brooke. Really appreciate your perspective here. To be honest, your piece made me think of some feedback I received a bunch of years ago on some early draft pages that offered so much specific and effusive praise that the compliments/love actually stopped me in my writing tracks. I was a bit overwhelmed, and wasn't sure I could keep the "magic" going. I've never experienced that kind of block before, and it took me a few days to get back to doing the work.
Interesting, Mima. Sounds like you were feeling the insincerity, which is also a good skillset for writers to have/develop.
Oh, that mentor was very sincere. No worries there. I guess what I was trying to convey is that, even if heartfelt, effusive love (like super negative criticism) can interfere with a writer’s productivity.