On Flattery

Why something that feels so good is problematic and potentially even dangerous for would-be authors

I was a seasoned Executive Editor at Seal Press, a job that required me to be shepherding around 50 or so authors to publication at any given time, when I got a call from an agent of an author whose book was in production with us.

“If you could do me a favor,” she said. “[Our author] feels like she’s not getting enough love from you.”

I considered the author and the nature of the work we were doing together. We were on an intense schedule. I’d given her lots of feedback, some of it encouraging. She’d done a couple rounds of edits. Together we were focused on hitting our deadlines. I was proud of her, and of us, that we were on track. True, I hadn’t been showering her with compliments. And yet, I felt like we had a strong working relationship and that she knew I appreciated her and was a champion of her book. As I hung up the phone with the agent, it dawned on me:  I had been encouraging, but not flattering.

At issue here was differing interpretations of the role of the editor. In this case, I was the in-house editor, responsible for acquiring this author’s book and seeing it through to publication. But what I’m about to write is true for developmental editors and line editors, too. Editors are problem-solvers. They’re there to make sure your story makes sense. Their role is to poke holes, ask questions, and get the manuscript to the next best level. In-house, they’re there to get you over the finish line. I do offer encouraging compliments when I edit a manuscript (ie, love this line! or good job!), but too much of this is plain disruptive, and an editor’s primary role is fixer, questioner, betterer. In an ideal world, the editor falls in love with the prose they get to work with, but more often the manuscript is a job to tackle—an editor’s job being to make the author’s prose shine, or in-house to keep the author on track.

I was irked by the agent’s ask because it suggested that I should give this author something that wasn’t welling up inside of me organically. People have different personalities, obviously. Some of us are more effusive than others. Some of us give compliments and praise easily and others do not. But flattery is a very specific thing—as its entire purpose is to stroke someone ego in order to get something from them. This is why flattery in book publishing can be specifically dangerous.

Predatory publishing companies (which are those companies that exist to sell authors services they don’t need and which too often are not rigorous in their standards, producing subpar books) deploy flattery as a sales tactic, and writers fall prey. (Visit this post to see where predatory publishing companies fall on the publishing spectrum.) Every author wants to hear how amazing and wonderful their book is. You put a lot of time and energy into the whole endeavor, after all, so flattery can be felt as a validation, as someone giving you the recognition you’ve been longing for as you toil away on the long and isolated journey that is writing a book. But you do need to be careful as an author, and to cultivate a little cynicism about people’s motives.

A couple weeks ago, I heard an industry expert talking about flattery on a podcast about hybrid publishing. She was making a distinction between hybrid publishing and traditional publishing, telling authors to beware of any publisher that flatters you too much. In her estimation, the traditional world should leave you feeling a little cold.

I don’t agree that a traditional publisher should leave you feeling cold. During my time at Seal Press, I courted Susie Bright so hard that I made multiple trips down to Santa Cruz to meet her in person and later sent her a tiara as a representation of my promise to treat her like a queen if she signed with us. (She did.) For me, that was above and beyond, but it was fun, and it was also sincere. I was trying to win her over—and my overtures stemmed from the fact that I was in competition. She could have gone elsewhere, and the tiara was a gesture meant to show her that I wanted her more. In that case, it worked. The flattery was performative, and we both knew it.

But on the point of being more conscious of the flatterer’s motivations, I agree with the industry expert that you want to look for sincerity in a publishing partner. Encouragement and compliments are to be expected. I always tell authors who’ve submitted to She Writes Press (the hybrid publishing imprint I run) and made it through our two-tier vetting process with a positive result that we appreciate their work, that we liked (or even loved) what we read, and that we feel they’ll be a great fit for our list. These comments are true. We stand behind every book we seek to publish. We also talk about ways to better the work, and approach every manuscript as something that stands to be improved. What I don’t do is tell would-be authors that their book is the best thing I’ve ever seen, that we think it can be a bestseller, or that they’re particularly special or extraordinary or unique. If you buy into flattery, you will at some point have a hard fall from the pedestal the flatterer put you on.

In the pursuit of publishing, be clear-eyed. If you want to know if someone’s being sincere, ask them: “What did you like about my book?” Avoid falling into the trap that your publishing or editorial team—no matter your publishing path—is there to make you feel good. That’s not their role. Their role is to make your book as good as it can be; to support the work in such a way that the title, package, and interior is professional and competitive in your genre, and to position your book to find its readers and to sell.

And look, you’re not bad or wrong if you want a little love, or a little more love. But here’s what I’ll say to that. Look for the compliments and words of encouragement that come organically and sincerely and take them in. Save words of encouragement when they arrive in your inbox or in the snail mail. (I’ve printed emails and pinned cards to my bulletin board in moments when I wanted some outside reminders that other people think I’m doing a good job.) Find and build your inner strength and sense of purpose for this authorship journey so that no matter what happens—someone tells you your book is the best thing they’ve ever read, or you get a negative review—you stay unflappable and proud. The most powerful validation always comes from within.