I’m almost offended that someone would have the nerve to tell other people what they can write or that their story is boring, uninteresting, narcissistic etc. As a lover of memoirs and nonfiction I warn all writers to ignore that article. The truth is more beautiful and often stranger than fiction in the best possible ways. My mentor (a large proponent of reading) taught me “Successful people leave clues”, if they have a book, read it. And the unsuccessful leave clues, and sad people, happy people, wise people all leave us clues. Everyone who pens a memoir leaves us clues of how to live. Those clues are so important for the reasons you outlined. They allow us to understand more, experience more, love more. One can travel with someone, live their life for a while, witness times gone by from a memoir. So many more reasons that I love memoirs and admire those who let us in by putting their life on paper. Shame on him for equating the fleeting nature of social media with the rich history of journaling and memoir writing. His article is itself narcissistic because he has deemed his opinion higher than the history of mankind. I remind my children all the time that history is simply someone’s story. HIS Story. Record your story for time to remember. Where would we be without the words left by the people that went before us and even live among us. Shame on this idiot-I’m going to call it what it is-clickbait. To the writers, please continue to work on your memoirs-I am ready to read and learn. Thanks for another great newsletter, although this one got my blood pumping a little more than usual. #whatajerk
A great post with many Brook(e)'s in it, but you brook no argument against the memoir genre! I so agree. Even though I wrote my memoir during the lockdown, as perhaps many did, I found the process to be healing and revelatory. Even more amazing: Since I wove in feminine quest archetypes from folk and fairy tales, I then became more aware of that universal layer and its power. Now I'm teaching classes on the heroine's journey and finding a rapt audience in translating its ancient motifs to their life story.
Well said. I just read the Brooks piece and must ask: Has this know-it-all read any memoir? He lazily conflates the same genre that includes the fine examples you cite (there are so many) with Facebook posts about lunch and narcissistic bores who try the patience of their friends. To tell the truth about your greatest joys, sorrows and fears is to claim the full humanity you share with readers. Far from setting the stage for depression, it promotes mental health, as psychologist James Pennebaker has shown in his book Opening Up.
I love memoir, for the reasons you've described re: stepping into another person's life for a bit and experiencing something I never would otherwise, broadening my understanding of what it means to be human. I'm often reading with a "How did they move past this??" kind of anticipation, and trying to get inside their heads a little, to inform my own life. Just so many reasons, so many angles to explore, so much to learn.
Right now I'm reading Dani Shapiro's "Inheritance," about when she did a DNA test on a lark and discovered her beloved father was not her biological father. I finally read "Maid" last month; and a couple of months ago I read "Open," Andre Agassi's memoir, which was absolutely gorgeous in its writing (ghostwriter J.R. Moehringer wrote it). There are tons of others I adore, and my life feels more well-rounded for reading them.
It seems to me that what is great about fiction is great about memoir. By that I mean that the writer when she is at her best strips the superficial elements off her characters and exposes their souls, the essence the characters hide from others. That hiddenness is the realm of universal themes. Or as a great writer once told me, "I want to see them bleed."
Wow, thanks for sharing. I literally just posted something today about the "bad news" of writing a memoir. There are soooo many ways I've healed by writing and even though it's taking me longer than I wanted to get the manuscript done, the benefits (both in my brain and heart) are too great to even think about stopping.
Beautiful. Thank you! I read the Atlantic article and was discouraged, and your post is the perfect counter argument to that. We share to be known, and also to help others, help people to feel less alone or isolated. Memoir is my favorite genre to read.
I wonder what Arthur Brook would think of a "fictionalized memoir." I've written a novel manuscript about an American woman in Iran during the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79. Though not a memoir, it draws A LOT of material from my actual experience of being married into an Iranian family that was politically involved on both sides: pro-Shah, pro-Khomeini. I really feel I could not have written a novel about that revolution without being right there--dodging bullets one day, attending a village wedding the next. Would Brooks call me self-centered for using my own experiences in my novel ms? Hm.
Nov 26, 2023·edited Nov 26, 2023Liked by Brooke Warner
What I have never gotten about critics, is who is to say what will be of interest or value to another person? If a memoire reveals just how cheesy someone is, well that may be worthwhile to some. If someone you really like on screen, sucks as an author at least you see they are human. I generally pass on books that are obviously written to fill the coffers of someone's next run for office. And I pass on sad stories, too many of those available firsthand, as it is. If somebody of age who still has their wits about them wants to tell me what it's been like to bop around for 70-90 years, I'm willing to listen.
memoir IS about healing from suffering...it takes a lot of self-awareness to do well. I also suspect we love reading them because we want role models for healing in a very alienated society with no rituals of healing and weak community. Culturally we want to know the individual can actually make it through...because our culture places so much of burden on individuals to be responsible for everything in their lives. This genre should probably be taught in mid life...to everyone...
Thank you for this, it is timely and resonates deeply. I devour memoirs that line the shelves of the local bookstore for all of the above listed reasons. I do not enjoy following people on social media whose pages are filled with selfies.
There is a connection that occurs when someone else’s experience (often much different than our own) leaves us with a knowing. Not because we’ve been there, but because we’ve felt that. Like we are bound by a shared feeling rather than a shared experience which makes us feel seen.
In seeing you, I see myself. Doesn’t everyone want to feel seen and understood? Maybe it’s not just in writing a memoir, but in reading a memoir that we can feel understood somehow. The universality you mentioned.
For this reason, I am writing my own memoir, encouraged by those before me. It will be cathartic indeed, and just maybe, in sharing my experience someone out there will feel understood. Seen. May the ripples continue...
I’m almost offended that someone would have the nerve to tell other people what they can write or that their story is boring, uninteresting, narcissistic etc. As a lover of memoirs and nonfiction I warn all writers to ignore that article. The truth is more beautiful and often stranger than fiction in the best possible ways. My mentor (a large proponent of reading) taught me “Successful people leave clues”, if they have a book, read it. And the unsuccessful leave clues, and sad people, happy people, wise people all leave us clues. Everyone who pens a memoir leaves us clues of how to live. Those clues are so important for the reasons you outlined. They allow us to understand more, experience more, love more. One can travel with someone, live their life for a while, witness times gone by from a memoir. So many more reasons that I love memoirs and admire those who let us in by putting their life on paper. Shame on him for equating the fleeting nature of social media with the rich history of journaling and memoir writing. His article is itself narcissistic because he has deemed his opinion higher than the history of mankind. I remind my children all the time that history is simply someone’s story. HIS Story. Record your story for time to remember. Where would we be without the words left by the people that went before us and even live among us. Shame on this idiot-I’m going to call it what it is-clickbait. To the writers, please continue to work on your memoirs-I am ready to read and learn. Thanks for another great newsletter, although this one got my blood pumping a little more than usual. #whatajerk
A great post with many Brook(e)'s in it, but you brook no argument against the memoir genre! I so agree. Even though I wrote my memoir during the lockdown, as perhaps many did, I found the process to be healing and revelatory. Even more amazing: Since I wove in feminine quest archetypes from folk and fairy tales, I then became more aware of that universal layer and its power. Now I'm teaching classes on the heroine's journey and finding a rapt audience in translating its ancient motifs to their life story.
Well said. I just read the Brooks piece and must ask: Has this know-it-all read any memoir? He lazily conflates the same genre that includes the fine examples you cite (there are so many) with Facebook posts about lunch and narcissistic bores who try the patience of their friends. To tell the truth about your greatest joys, sorrows and fears is to claim the full humanity you share with readers. Far from setting the stage for depression, it promotes mental health, as psychologist James Pennebaker has shown in his book Opening Up.
I love memoir, for the reasons you've described re: stepping into another person's life for a bit and experiencing something I never would otherwise, broadening my understanding of what it means to be human. I'm often reading with a "How did they move past this??" kind of anticipation, and trying to get inside their heads a little, to inform my own life. Just so many reasons, so many angles to explore, so much to learn.
Right now I'm reading Dani Shapiro's "Inheritance," about when she did a DNA test on a lark and discovered her beloved father was not her biological father. I finally read "Maid" last month; and a couple of months ago I read "Open," Andre Agassi's memoir, which was absolutely gorgeous in its writing (ghostwriter J.R. Moehringer wrote it). There are tons of others I adore, and my life feels more well-rounded for reading them.
Brooke,
It seems to me that what is great about fiction is great about memoir. By that I mean that the writer when she is at her best strips the superficial elements off her characters and exposes their souls, the essence the characters hide from others. That hiddenness is the realm of universal themes. Or as a great writer once told me, "I want to see them bleed."
Wow, thanks for sharing. I literally just posted something today about the "bad news" of writing a memoir. There are soooo many ways I've healed by writing and even though it's taking me longer than I wanted to get the manuscript done, the benefits (both in my brain and heart) are too great to even think about stopping.
Beautiful. Thank you! I read the Atlantic article and was discouraged, and your post is the perfect counter argument to that. We share to be known, and also to help others, help people to feel less alone or isolated. Memoir is my favorite genre to read.
Thank you.
I'm sharing this, Brooke. So important to remember why we tell our stories and how they connect us as human beings.
I'll read anything Abigail Thomas writes. I loved the immediacy of Joan Didion's "My Year of Magical Thinking."
A couple more additions to the list of great memoirs:
Bless the Birds by Susan Tweit
On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
I wonder what Arthur Brook would think of a "fictionalized memoir." I've written a novel manuscript about an American woman in Iran during the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79. Though not a memoir, it draws A LOT of material from my actual experience of being married into an Iranian family that was politically involved on both sides: pro-Shah, pro-Khomeini. I really feel I could not have written a novel about that revolution without being right there--dodging bullets one day, attending a village wedding the next. Would Brooks call me self-centered for using my own experiences in my novel ms? Hm.
What I have never gotten about critics, is who is to say what will be of interest or value to another person? If a memoire reveals just how cheesy someone is, well that may be worthwhile to some. If someone you really like on screen, sucks as an author at least you see they are human. I generally pass on books that are obviously written to fill the coffers of someone's next run for office. And I pass on sad stories, too many of those available firsthand, as it is. If somebody of age who still has their wits about them wants to tell me what it's been like to bop around for 70-90 years, I'm willing to listen.
Brava Brooke! Thank you for this. ❤️
Perfect! And here’s one:
I Am, I Am, I Am (Maggie O’Farrell)
memoir IS about healing from suffering...it takes a lot of self-awareness to do well. I also suspect we love reading them because we want role models for healing in a very alienated society with no rituals of healing and weak community. Culturally we want to know the individual can actually make it through...because our culture places so much of burden on individuals to be responsible for everything in their lives. This genre should probably be taught in mid life...to everyone...
Thank you for this, it is timely and resonates deeply. I devour memoirs that line the shelves of the local bookstore for all of the above listed reasons. I do not enjoy following people on social media whose pages are filled with selfies.
There is a connection that occurs when someone else’s experience (often much different than our own) leaves us with a knowing. Not because we’ve been there, but because we’ve felt that. Like we are bound by a shared feeling rather than a shared experience which makes us feel seen.
In seeing you, I see myself. Doesn’t everyone want to feel seen and understood? Maybe it’s not just in writing a memoir, but in reading a memoir that we can feel understood somehow. The universality you mentioned.
For this reason, I am writing my own memoir, encouraged by those before me. It will be cathartic indeed, and just maybe, in sharing my experience someone out there will feel understood. Seen. May the ripples continue...
Snapping and nodding my head over here. Yes, yes, yes!
Memoir is the story from a life, not of a life -- and from that we can all learn something.
Sharing a few that I return to:
Motherland by Elissa Altman
The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller