I read the article by Ciment, and although I understood her “reconsideration” I also was a bit miffed at her fabrication. She was in co-dependent relationship, and one that didn’t allow for her own truth. Maybe she felt a need to defend her love and their connection. But like you stated here, her truth didn’t change. She just wasn’t ready to tell it.
I like your thoughts on emotional truth. We can’t always claim the fabric of the story, but we can claim our emotional truths. It’s not for the faint of heart- this Memoir stuff is hard, and at times painful and risky.
Thanks for your post and your defending of the genre and those who take it to heart.
It is painful and risky at times! I appreciate your comment because I was initially angry at first too. I think you're right that her truth didn't change, but her acknowledgment of it certainly did.
I was thinking in terms of memoirists being more concerned about stating what they believe now their truths are. They might worry-what if later I change my mind? Should I take a stand or not?
Brooke, again another nuanced take on the subject at hand. I come from the field of depth psychology where we believe we are always only partially unconscious human beings. So when I read this--" Frankly, I’m not sure I want to read too many more reconsidered memoirs"--I thought, yes. Do we need another revised telling every time an author comes to new consciousness about something? And where would that ever end? To live a conscious life is always to reconsider, but do we need a new memoir for every reconsideration?
The reason I wrote that is also because there are so many stories I love, and I want the authors of those stories to leave them well enough alone. What would happen if everyone were struck by whatever it is that drove Ciment to want to reconsider her memoir? I think it would become very tiresome very quickly. That said, is there space for reconsiderations in second or third or fourth memoirs? I think there is and could be. So maybe it's not a hard line, but still.
Definitely not a hard line because this whole discussion is super interesting (my memoir students sent me the story too--and I imagined it would be the topic of your substack or your next book trend!). It's interesting on a personal psychological level and on a relational level (how we can write a different take on others once they are gone), but perhaps more importantly, on a cultural level, in reminding us that we are a product of our times in so many ways. Pre and post #metoo.
Interesting post all around. Our relationship to the Truth individually and collectively makes the topic itself super interesting. Thank you, I am now curious about this read.
I have the book and really look forward to reading it. I married an older man- 17 years older- and while a lot less than Ciment’s age gap-my guess is that a lot will resonate with me. Thanks for writing this.
My partner is 14 years older, so there was a lot about the book, examining age gaps, that is truly fascinating. The book is probably 20% a reconsideration and the rest is straightforward memoir about the life she had with Arnold.
Great piece on this subject. I wrote my memoir 3 years ago. Would I write it differently today? Absolutely, but I commit to the story I told at that moment in time. It's not to say there are any untruths in it, but that 3.5 years post publication gives an author time to digest what was written, analyze the time and events following publication, and consider feelings that may still need processing when you write about a significant portion of your life.
I like this way of saying it—I commit to the story. I think most memoirists would write their story differently the moment the book is printed. Lol. :) Thanks for weighing in, Kerry!
Memory and truth are not just topics that memoirists struggle with. The struggle takes place in the pages of newspapers, even when reporters work to present only the facts. Every human comes at facts from different angles at different times. This is also true in the courtroom, where eyewitness testimony is disappointingly unreliable, even when the witness is honestly trying to tell the truth about what they recall. This topic is endlessly interesting:)
Thanks for your eloquent post, Brooke. I will definitely read her books. The author picked the same title as French memoirist, Vanessa Springora, that sold 200,000 copies - also a good read.
This was a great post. There’s a lot to consider regarding how our memories may waver over decades, but I can’t imagine writing something that I know didn’t exactly happen that way. But I’m fairly fastidious and a stickler for details, while others are more lax in the general accuracy of their manuscripts.
Anyway, thanks for writing this great, thought-provoking piece. As always!
This is a good point because many memoirists hold themselves deeply accountable to truth, to facts. Some have incredible access to diaries, journals, histories, archives. Some memoirs hew so close to the facts, and others are looser. By merit of what's available to the writer, and their own personalities and dispositions.
"Perhaps memoir is a flawed container, but it is a container of Truth, and it’s incumbent on writers of memoir to write the truth as they know it, as they understand it." AMEN! I appreciate your thoughtful and nuanced perspective about Consent.
Intentional lying is a problem. But the idea that “memoir” is somehow less truthful (trustworthy) than biography feels “off” to me. They get at truth in different ways. Both provide a window. Even the best journalism contains a point of view—and journalists are (usually) less invested in their subject matter than biographers and memoirists. Good readers discern the point of view of authors. That’s part of what makes the experience of reading so enriching.
I've considered reconsidering my memoir, Reconfigured, when I feel less obligated to protect certain people in my life. There are a few topics glossed over or unspoken I may address in the future. Seems like the more doors open to us, the more truth we have to tell!
I write personal essays that are often mini-memoirs of events that happened a long time ago. I write only what I remember and what I remember invariably is the key to what happened and packs for me the greatest emotional punch. I know I'm on track if I feel the same emotions I'm writing about.
When I wrote about the night I met my wife to be (1984) the memory was strong enough that I could actually feel the sase physical sensation that i felt that night.
"When we started speaking, there was a pleasant flutter of excitement in my chest, like the feeling I still get when I know I’m about to receive very good news."
Such a good article. When I wrote my memoir I talked to several people to compare how we remembered something happening. I guess you can’t call this “fact checking” because their memory could be skewed also, but it does help with accuracy of a memory. Thank you Brooke for your dedication to memoir and championing all of us memoirists.
Thank you for this. It helps set my anger aside…
I read the article by Ciment, and although I understood her “reconsideration” I also was a bit miffed at her fabrication. She was in co-dependent relationship, and one that didn’t allow for her own truth. Maybe she felt a need to defend her love and their connection. But like you stated here, her truth didn’t change. She just wasn’t ready to tell it.
I like your thoughts on emotional truth. We can’t always claim the fabric of the story, but we can claim our emotional truths. It’s not for the faint of heart- this Memoir stuff is hard, and at times painful and risky.
Thanks for your post and your defending of the genre and those who take it to heart.
It is painful and risky at times! I appreciate your comment because I was initially angry at first too. I think you're right that her truth didn't change, but her acknowledgment of it certainly did.
I was thinking in terms of memoirists being more concerned about stating what they believe now their truths are. They might worry-what if later I change my mind? Should I take a stand or not?
Brooke, again another nuanced take on the subject at hand. I come from the field of depth psychology where we believe we are always only partially unconscious human beings. So when I read this--" Frankly, I’m not sure I want to read too many more reconsidered memoirs"--I thought, yes. Do we need another revised telling every time an author comes to new consciousness about something? And where would that ever end? To live a conscious life is always to reconsider, but do we need a new memoir for every reconsideration?
The reason I wrote that is also because there are so many stories I love, and I want the authors of those stories to leave them well enough alone. What would happen if everyone were struck by whatever it is that drove Ciment to want to reconsider her memoir? I think it would become very tiresome very quickly. That said, is there space for reconsiderations in second or third or fourth memoirs? I think there is and could be. So maybe it's not a hard line, but still.
Definitely not a hard line because this whole discussion is super interesting (my memoir students sent me the story too--and I imagined it would be the topic of your substack or your next book trend!). It's interesting on a personal psychological level and on a relational level (how we can write a different take on others once they are gone), but perhaps more importantly, on a cultural level, in reminding us that we are a product of our times in so many ways. Pre and post #metoo.
Interesting post all around. Our relationship to the Truth individually and collectively makes the topic itself super interesting. Thank you, I am now curious about this read.
I have the book and really look forward to reading it. I married an older man- 17 years older- and while a lot less than Ciment’s age gap-my guess is that a lot will resonate with me. Thanks for writing this.
My partner is 14 years older, so there was a lot about the book, examining age gaps, that is truly fascinating. The book is probably 20% a reconsideration and the rest is straightforward memoir about the life she had with Arnold.
Great piece on this subject. I wrote my memoir 3 years ago. Would I write it differently today? Absolutely, but I commit to the story I told at that moment in time. It's not to say there are any untruths in it, but that 3.5 years post publication gives an author time to digest what was written, analyze the time and events following publication, and consider feelings that may still need processing when you write about a significant portion of your life.
I like this way of saying it—I commit to the story. I think most memoirists would write their story differently the moment the book is printed. Lol. :) Thanks for weighing in, Kerry!
Memory and truth are not just topics that memoirists struggle with. The struggle takes place in the pages of newspapers, even when reporters work to present only the facts. Every human comes at facts from different angles at different times. This is also true in the courtroom, where eyewitness testimony is disappointingly unreliable, even when the witness is honestly trying to tell the truth about what they recall. This topic is endlessly interesting:)
Great perspective, Shelley! It is endlessly interesting.
Thanks for your eloquent post, Brooke. I will definitely read her books. The author picked the same title as French memoirist, Vanessa Springora, that sold 200,000 copies - also a good read.
This was a great post. There’s a lot to consider regarding how our memories may waver over decades, but I can’t imagine writing something that I know didn’t exactly happen that way. But I’m fairly fastidious and a stickler for details, while others are more lax in the general accuracy of their manuscripts.
Anyway, thanks for writing this great, thought-provoking piece. As always!
This is a good point because many memoirists hold themselves deeply accountable to truth, to facts. Some have incredible access to diaries, journals, histories, archives. Some memoirs hew so close to the facts, and others are looser. By merit of what's available to the writer, and their own personalities and dispositions.
"Perhaps memoir is a flawed container, but it is a container of Truth, and it’s incumbent on writers of memoir to write the truth as they know it, as they understand it." AMEN! I appreciate your thoughtful and nuanced perspective about Consent.
Intentional lying is a problem. But the idea that “memoir” is somehow less truthful (trustworthy) than biography feels “off” to me. They get at truth in different ways. Both provide a window. Even the best journalism contains a point of view—and journalists are (usually) less invested in their subject matter than biographers and memoirists. Good readers discern the point of view of authors. That’s part of what makes the experience of reading so enriching.
Thank you for this. Her experience does not represent all of us.
I've considered reconsidering my memoir, Reconfigured, when I feel less obligated to protect certain people in my life. There are a few topics glossed over or unspoken I may address in the future. Seems like the more doors open to us, the more truth we have to tell!
Very insightful and thought-provoking analysis!
Great topic.
I write personal essays that are often mini-memoirs of events that happened a long time ago. I write only what I remember and what I remember invariably is the key to what happened and packs for me the greatest emotional punch. I know I'm on track if I feel the same emotions I'm writing about.
When I wrote about the night I met my wife to be (1984) the memory was strong enough that I could actually feel the sase physical sensation that i felt that night.
"When we started speaking, there was a pleasant flutter of excitement in my chest, like the feeling I still get when I know I’m about to receive very good news."
Such a good article. When I wrote my memoir I talked to several people to compare how we remembered something happening. I guess you can’t call this “fact checking” because their memory could be skewed also, but it does help with accuracy of a memory. Thank you Brooke for your dedication to memoir and championing all of us memoirists.