It takes a lot of brave & grit and guts to spill the absolute truth on the page. A lot of bleeding. It’s the writers, memoirists, like Molly who give us all the courage to step out from behind the proverbial curtain. Thank you for writing this piece. I imagine it will give more folks the courage to write their truth. Truth is messy. Messy can be mighty gorgeous.
The terror of being a memoirist, whether your mother is Erica Jong or just another mother with opinions as strong as neat bourbon and an unfortunate fearlessness about expressing them.
Yes. And thank you for calling out Molly Jong-Fast's fearlessness and tenderness, and how thick our skins have to be if we're to tell our stories in this vitriolic world. (You who publish them too, and please pick up your own memoir again when the time feels right. We need to hear your story too!) One way we change the world is to have the courage to tell our stories, and the heart to support each other in the telling. Blessings to you.
Ah, Brooke. I really needed to hear this this morning. I listened intently to the podcast with Erica, but I could feel you had more to say, and here you've said it. I struggled for years, even years after my mother's death, to write the story -- hers and mine. Years looking at that line from Robert Lowell on tattered paper taped to the window frame above my desk, "Yet why not say what happened?" I finally ran out of reasons why I shouldn't. I expect to hear the same dirty laundry comments, and even the denials for other family members who never knew what happened behind the dark and insulating walls of our lives. I'm glad for a publisher who knows these things and doesn't flinch. Thank you.
Brooke, I agree! The memoir was captivating and heart breaking.
Writing your story--especially if your story includes a less than perfect mother (and whose isn't-- it's just a matter of degree) is difficult. Finding the balance on the page between anger and love sometimes feels like walking a literary tightrope. Throughout Molly's memoir, I was always aware--regardless of her sometimes sarcastic and irreverent tone--of the deep love Molly had/has for Erica.
Another good one, Brooke! Unskimable, a word I just made up to mean I savored every word of your piece and was never bored. Having just finished my memoir, I can relate, but I lucked out as one of the main negative characters died while I was writing the book, thus I could not be sued for defamation or invasion of privacy. With other characters, I had to modulate somewhat. Towards the end, I consulted a lawyer and found it very helpful.
I love a good made-up word! Lawyers are helpful, but they won't stop the naysayers. Honestly, the ones I'm most triggered by are the people who are "disappointed." I think because I feel that's a lot of ownership to take over another person's life.
Sounds like you're just being sensitive to other people, which is a good instinct. I am still worried about the effect my memoir will have on some living people - I'm sure it won't be pretty in some cases. Interestingly, the lawyer not only made me feel more secure about not losing my home, etc., but also mollified some of my writing to be more sensitive to others' feelings without losing any threads of the story. Maybe that's because he is also a writer.
Yes! This is brilliant, Brooke. I love the part about inoculating ourselves against shame, which Molly does in her memoir with her awareness, humility, and self-acceptance.
I devoured this book. Every sentiment, every beleaguered sigh, every unavoidable truth that applies to those of us struggling with aging parents. I was so grateful for her unapologetic frankness — she said the things I want to say. And even though I read the print version, I wished I was listening to it in her voice (and I am not an audiobook person!). Thanks for coming to her defense. No matter what the critics say, I think this book is revolutionary.
I couldn’t agree with you more Brooke. I thought her memoir was an astonishing feat. Raw and honest, shocking and funny, all made even more potent when listening to her discuss her writing journey on your podcast and listening to the book on Audible. I could not download it fast enough after hearing you and Grant talk with her that day. Thank you Brooke for all you do to champion the memoirist and the memoir. So much more to come with Memoir Nation! Yay. BTW, your workshops at UNDERSTORY sent me on an immediate fervent “last”pass (though not really) on my memoir manuscript, identifying reflection and takeaways. What a gift!
Hi, Brooke, I loved reading this; it was so full of depth and clarity. Here's a spiritual truth: whatever anyone says, when finding fault with Molly's writing, has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with Molly. May memoir live on.
I can't WAIT to read Molly's book. I've heard much of the controversy swirling around it, and that intrigues me even more. I am writing my own memoir about my relationship with a toxic mother, and the fanatical cult she raised me in. Any memoir with this difficult topic is one I'm compelled to read.
I haven't read this book yet, but I've read a few difficult memoirs by women lately about their trauma and CPTSD. I always feel that at the very least, I can bear witness. I can't imagine someone openly criticizing a memoirist just for telling her story. I have questions--like who are these people, and how dare they? To me this smacks of more attempts to silence women. To your point about shame, it reminds me of a book I'm reading now by Brene Brown about her shame research: sunlight is the best way to kill shame. Share the stories, and shame cannot stand a chance. Thank you for sharing this review; I will put this on my TBR list.
Whew, I need to read this book! Sounds like we had the same mother. Gives me pause to think about the grief I'm going to get with my memoir as well. But we aren't famous so there is that. Great opinion essay.
It takes a lot of brave & grit and guts to spill the absolute truth on the page. A lot of bleeding. It’s the writers, memoirists, like Molly who give us all the courage to step out from behind the proverbial curtain. Thank you for writing this piece. I imagine it will give more folks the courage to write their truth. Truth is messy. Messy can be mighty gorgeous.
Messy is Mighty Gorgeous!
The terror of being a memoirist, whether your mother is Erica Jong or just another mother with opinions as strong as neat bourbon and an unfortunate fearlessness about expressing them.
Yes. And thank you for calling out Molly Jong-Fast's fearlessness and tenderness, and how thick our skins have to be if we're to tell our stories in this vitriolic world. (You who publish them too, and please pick up your own memoir again when the time feels right. We need to hear your story too!) One way we change the world is to have the courage to tell our stories, and the heart to support each other in the telling. Blessings to you.
Ah, Brooke. I really needed to hear this this morning. I listened intently to the podcast with Erica, but I could feel you had more to say, and here you've said it. I struggled for years, even years after my mother's death, to write the story -- hers and mine. Years looking at that line from Robert Lowell on tattered paper taped to the window frame above my desk, "Yet why not say what happened?" I finally ran out of reasons why I shouldn't. I expect to hear the same dirty laundry comments, and even the denials for other family members who never knew what happened behind the dark and insulating walls of our lives. I'm glad for a publisher who knows these things and doesn't flinch. Thank you.
Brooke, I agree! The memoir was captivating and heart breaking.
Writing your story--especially if your story includes a less than perfect mother (and whose isn't-- it's just a matter of degree) is difficult. Finding the balance on the page between anger and love sometimes feels like walking a literary tightrope. Throughout Molly's memoir, I was always aware--regardless of her sometimes sarcastic and irreverent tone--of the deep love Molly had/has for Erica.
Thank you for this, Brooke. I went straight to Thrift Books and ordered this one.
I will look forward to hearing what you think of it, Jillian. Let me know.
👍
Another good one, Brooke! Unskimable, a word I just made up to mean I savored every word of your piece and was never bored. Having just finished my memoir, I can relate, but I lucked out as one of the main negative characters died while I was writing the book, thus I could not be sued for defamation or invasion of privacy. With other characters, I had to modulate somewhat. Towards the end, I consulted a lawyer and found it very helpful.
I love a good made-up word! Lawyers are helpful, but they won't stop the naysayers. Honestly, the ones I'm most triggered by are the people who are "disappointed." I think because I feel that's a lot of ownership to take over another person's life.
Sounds like you're just being sensitive to other people, which is a good instinct. I am still worried about the effect my memoir will have on some living people - I'm sure it won't be pretty in some cases. Interestingly, the lawyer not only made me feel more secure about not losing my home, etc., but also mollified some of my writing to be more sensitive to others' feelings without losing any threads of the story. Maybe that's because he is also a writer.
Yes! This is brilliant, Brooke. I love the part about inoculating ourselves against shame, which Molly does in her memoir with her awareness, humility, and self-acceptance.
I devoured this book. Every sentiment, every beleaguered sigh, every unavoidable truth that applies to those of us struggling with aging parents. I was so grateful for her unapologetic frankness — she said the things I want to say. And even though I read the print version, I wished I was listening to it in her voice (and I am not an audiobook person!). Thanks for coming to her defense. No matter what the critics say, I think this book is revolutionary.
A perfect epilogue to your wonderful interview. I came away from both feeling such empathy for Molly.
I couldn’t agree with you more Brooke. I thought her memoir was an astonishing feat. Raw and honest, shocking and funny, all made even more potent when listening to her discuss her writing journey on your podcast and listening to the book on Audible. I could not download it fast enough after hearing you and Grant talk with her that day. Thank you Brooke for all you do to champion the memoirist and the memoir. So much more to come with Memoir Nation! Yay. BTW, your workshops at UNDERSTORY sent me on an immediate fervent “last”pass (though not really) on my memoir manuscript, identifying reflection and takeaways. What a gift!
Thank you, Linda. It was so great to meet you in person!!
Not just alcoholism it was pure unadulterated malignant narcissism. Let her daughter air the laundry
Hi, Brooke, I loved reading this; it was so full of depth and clarity. Here's a spiritual truth: whatever anyone says, when finding fault with Molly's writing, has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with Molly. May memoir live on.
I can't WAIT to read Molly's book. I've heard much of the controversy swirling around it, and that intrigues me even more. I am writing my own memoir about my relationship with a toxic mother, and the fanatical cult she raised me in. Any memoir with this difficult topic is one I'm compelled to read.
I haven't read this book yet, but I've read a few difficult memoirs by women lately about their trauma and CPTSD. I always feel that at the very least, I can bear witness. I can't imagine someone openly criticizing a memoirist just for telling her story. I have questions--like who are these people, and how dare they? To me this smacks of more attempts to silence women. To your point about shame, it reminds me of a book I'm reading now by Brene Brown about her shame research: sunlight is the best way to kill shame. Share the stories, and shame cannot stand a chance. Thank you for sharing this review; I will put this on my TBR list.
Whew, I need to read this book! Sounds like we had the same mother. Gives me pause to think about the grief I'm going to get with my memoir as well. But we aren't famous so there is that. Great opinion essay.