Thank you, Brooke. I have recently completed a memoir with a “dark story.” The point isn’t the darkness, it’s what I learned that allowed me to crawl out of that place and reclaim my life.
Fellow memoirist here--and I too have heard some disconcerting sentiments, like an agent who said, "Great story, but no one wants to read memoir right now. I can't sell it." Hmm really? I like to read memoir, but who am I? I felt defeated . . . for a minute anyway. I moved on.
I like your practical examples of questions for interviewing your readers! Excellent advice.
I read a “dark” piece on Friday night for 50 people, a monologue I wrote at San Miguel de Allende Writers Conference that is my memoir’s prologue.
I listened to your podcast with Jorah LeFleur so I used her tips on how to read aloud . When I shared a shocking piece of personal information, I swear I heard someone laugh loudly. Thankfully, I had practiced and continued reading not missing a beat. Afterwards, a friend said, she thought it was a gasp or cry of shock, either way it was her singular reaction.
The reception was overwhelmingly positive in fact my husband was taking pre-orders for the memoir. There were a few pity people but I had practiced a response to them, I put up a psychic wall, smiled mildly, nodded and said, “Thank you. Excuse me, I need to speak to that poet.”
Also, I discovered that I love reading aloud, it felt powerful to read words I wrote and move the audience with my voice.
It's a wonderful conference/event, but yes, agree with Dona—figure out what you want to do in advance. Map it out and take advantage, and rest and play a bit too.
I think it’s important to be clear what you want and need from a conference or master class. San Miguel de Allende was magical in many ways and was the place I first read my work and claimed my place as an author. I am looking forward to returning next year but sign up early for workshops, they fill up fast and a few didn’t meet my needs. It was also great because Brooke was there with She Writes authors, so it was lovely to connect.
Great piece. I especially appreciate the suggested interview questions. Seems obvious in retrospect, but I doubt I would’ve thought to ask, on my own, about the darkest book someone has read.
I recently purchased an embroidered pillow that reads “I’m not for everyone.” I should wear this phrase on a hat, on a T-shirt, maybe even get a tattoo!
Thanks for this important reminder Brooke! Agree, we need to write for ourselves. Though it is hard to ignore the insensitive and sometimes ignorant comments people make toward writers, particularly we memoirists, who as you say put our whole life story out there to be analyzed and critiqued. I've had a couple agents tell me, people have already heard your story, there's nothing special about it, without ever reading it! You know what, I'm still going to get it published and share it because it's meaningful to me. I also hope it will help other women realize that they too have a special story worthy of sharing and worthy of being heard.
THANK YOU! I am a hybrid author with seven published books but have been working on my first memoir for two years. I have received the same feedback, almost verbatim, from two editors I hired to help me with the early drafts.
It was so disheartening to hear, "This is too heavy/dark" and "No one will want to read this as it is." I had incorporated two beta readers' feedback regarding allowing the reader breathing room, and the reality is, during this time of my life I chose to write about, I did not have any breathing room myself. I wanted the reader to feel that with me.
So what you wrote here comes as an immense relief to me. It takes a huge weight off my chest. Thank you again, Brooke.
Thank you for this. As a published writer mostly writing about trauma (and the body/ embodiment) and currently finishing up one book and starting another— both about trauma but so much more than that— I come up against these voices regularly. So many editors and agents and other writers find so many ways to devalue memoir and memoir-adjacent work. Appreciate the helpful reminders in this piece.
I appreciate this, Brooke and your timing is perfect. I’m completing a six-week course on book proposals, and in that time, the instructor has read 5 drafts plus chapter summaries and the first chapter of my memoir. She has not even one positive or encouraging thing to say to anyone in the class. She said nobody will want to read my book. That there are a million other memoirs just like it. That I should put it away for six months and then basically start over. I’ve been writing this since 2019. I learned so much through your six-month course from you and Linda Joy, and have had other professional editors as well. Now that I’m at the end, I feel depleted, as if I should scrap the whole thing. Very depressing and discouraging. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone with these feelings, so thank you for your encouragement to keep moving forward.
Very shocking to me why people teach classes when they're orientation toward the genre is so negative. I'm sorry to hear this, Leslie. Do keep going. Find supportive people. It's everything on this journey.
Yes and yes and yes. I've worked with many memoirists whose stories are "dark." But so very real and human and heartbreaking. Sometimes in my group, we weep with the writers as they read their stories and through it all, we touch hearts and connect and, I believe, heal our own wounds.
This resonated with me so much, Brooke, as I have the same question all the time. "During the Q&A, in response to a young woman who posed her concern over the responsibility she felt to represent her culture in her writing, Viet said, “Write for yourself.” Beautifully simple, and not easy to do. The reason we seek professionals to support us in the writing journey is because we are writing for others. We’re writing for an audience. And yet, we have to constantly be discerning along the way because, again, we are not for everyone."
I am in the throes of a memoir, not a dark one, but I have had feedback from plenty of agents and editors about the fact my writing is not this or that. I think what they are really saying is not only "this is not for me," but "getting this published may be impossible." That is just the truth of it. So much writing goes unpublished because of agents and editors like this. I cannot tell you how many wish lists I read say "currently looking for gender-bending speculative dystopian fantasy sci-fi graphic novels for YA by BIPOC writers." That is all anyone wants now. So, no, my picture book about a snail has nearly zero percent chance of being published. And my memoir. Less than that.
The same thing happened to me with a paid developmental editor. She told me no one would read my memoir and that the world only needed one Mary Karr. I completely rewrote my memoir following her direction. It took a year. I hope the investment was worth it (time, $, and emotion) as I am about ready now to seek representation/publication.
Oh, and one more thing! Not a Poster Child got a one-star review (that's one out of 89) very early on that said the reviewer only found the chapter on vaccines to be "heartfelt." That chapter was almost entirely facts and figures. The rest of the book is experiential about how I navigated a lifelong disability, plus a chapter on my dad's death. People have told me they cried in more than one place in the book. So we cannot hang our hopeful hats on one person's opinion.
Thank you, Brooke. I have recently completed a memoir with a “dark story.” The point isn’t the darkness, it’s what I learned that allowed me to crawl out of that place and reclaim my life.
As it should be! And congratulations, Ginni.
Fellow memoirist here--and I too have heard some disconcerting sentiments, like an agent who said, "Great story, but no one wants to read memoir right now. I can't sell it." Hmm really? I like to read memoir, but who am I? I felt defeated . . . for a minute anyway. I moved on.
I like your practical examples of questions for interviewing your readers! Excellent advice.
I received something similar from an agent: "The story premise and writing are great, but unless you're famous, it is really hard to sell memoir".
Yes, common feedback from agents, unfortunately.
THIS! An agent told me, "Unless you're a celebrity or have a million followers, no cares about your story."
Maybe it is hard to sell memoirs, but there are better ways to say, "Your story isn't a fit for me."
I read a “dark” piece on Friday night for 50 people, a monologue I wrote at San Miguel de Allende Writers Conference that is my memoir’s prologue.
I listened to your podcast with Jorah LeFleur so I used her tips on how to read aloud . When I shared a shocking piece of personal information, I swear I heard someone laugh loudly. Thankfully, I had practiced and continued reading not missing a beat. Afterwards, a friend said, she thought it was a gasp or cry of shock, either way it was her singular reaction.
The reception was overwhelmingly positive in fact my husband was taking pre-orders for the memoir. There were a few pity people but I had practiced a response to them, I put up a psychic wall, smiled mildly, nodded and said, “Thank you. Excuse me, I need to speak to that poet.”
Also, I discovered that I love reading aloud, it felt powerful to read words I wrote and move the audience with my voice.
Thank you always, Brooke! Big Love For You!
Yes! Love this and you’re an inspiration. The inspiration. ♥️
Do you recommend the San Miguel conference? I’ve always wanted to visit there.
It's a wonderful conference/event, but yes, agree with Dona—figure out what you want to do in advance. Map it out and take advantage, and rest and play a bit too.
I think it’s important to be clear what you want and need from a conference or master class. San Miguel de Allende was magical in many ways and was the place I first read my work and claimed my place as an author. I am looking forward to returning next year but sign up early for workshops, they fill up fast and a few didn’t meet my needs. It was also great because Brooke was there with She Writes authors, so it was lovely to connect.
Thanks!
Great piece. I especially appreciate the suggested interview questions. Seems obvious in retrospect, but I doubt I would’ve thought to ask, on my own, about the darkest book someone has read.
I recently purchased an embroidered pillow that reads “I’m not for everyone.” I should wear this phrase on a hat, on a T-shirt, maybe even get a tattoo!
Love the pillow. Will be on the lookout for the shirts. Maybe Maggie will make some. :)
Thanks for this important reminder Brooke! Agree, we need to write for ourselves. Though it is hard to ignore the insensitive and sometimes ignorant comments people make toward writers, particularly we memoirists, who as you say put our whole life story out there to be analyzed and critiqued. I've had a couple agents tell me, people have already heard your story, there's nothing special about it, without ever reading it! You know what, I'm still going to get it published and share it because it's meaningful to me. I also hope it will help other women realize that they too have a special story worthy of sharing and worthy of being heard.
And you will help these women, I know!
Brooke,
THANK YOU! I am a hybrid author with seven published books but have been working on my first memoir for two years. I have received the same feedback, almost verbatim, from two editors I hired to help me with the early drafts.
It was so disheartening to hear, "This is too heavy/dark" and "No one will want to read this as it is." I had incorporated two beta readers' feedback regarding allowing the reader breathing room, and the reality is, during this time of my life I chose to write about, I did not have any breathing room myself. I wanted the reader to feel that with me.
So what you wrote here comes as an immense relief to me. It takes a huge weight off my chest. Thank you again, Brooke.
Such great info. Choose your team carefully.
Thank you for this. As a published writer mostly writing about trauma (and the body/ embodiment) and currently finishing up one book and starting another— both about trauma but so much more than that— I come up against these voices regularly. So many editors and agents and other writers find so many ways to devalue memoir and memoir-adjacent work. Appreciate the helpful reminders in this piece.
I appreciate this, Brooke and your timing is perfect. I’m completing a six-week course on book proposals, and in that time, the instructor has read 5 drafts plus chapter summaries and the first chapter of my memoir. She has not even one positive or encouraging thing to say to anyone in the class. She said nobody will want to read my book. That there are a million other memoirs just like it. That I should put it away for six months and then basically start over. I’ve been writing this since 2019. I learned so much through your six-month course from you and Linda Joy, and have had other professional editors as well. Now that I’m at the end, I feel depleted, as if I should scrap the whole thing. Very depressing and discouraging. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone with these feelings, so thank you for your encouragement to keep moving forward.
Very shocking to me why people teach classes when they're orientation toward the genre is so negative. I'm sorry to hear this, Leslie. Do keep going. Find supportive people. It's everything on this journey.
Yes and yes and yes. I've worked with many memoirists whose stories are "dark." But so very real and human and heartbreaking. Sometimes in my group, we weep with the writers as they read their stories and through it all, we touch hearts and connect and, I believe, heal our own wounds.
This resonated with me so much, Brooke, as I have the same question all the time. "During the Q&A, in response to a young woman who posed her concern over the responsibility she felt to represent her culture in her writing, Viet said, “Write for yourself.” Beautifully simple, and not easy to do. The reason we seek professionals to support us in the writing journey is because we are writing for others. We’re writing for an audience. And yet, we have to constantly be discerning along the way because, again, we are not for everyone."
It's a big one, Aysu. And something to work to let go of as you're able to.
I am in the throes of a memoir, not a dark one, but I have had feedback from plenty of agents and editors about the fact my writing is not this or that. I think what they are really saying is not only "this is not for me," but "getting this published may be impossible." That is just the truth of it. So much writing goes unpublished because of agents and editors like this. I cannot tell you how many wish lists I read say "currently looking for gender-bending speculative dystopian fantasy sci-fi graphic novels for YA by BIPOC writers." That is all anyone wants now. So, no, my picture book about a snail has nearly zero percent chance of being published. And my memoir. Less than that.
I can't explain how helpful this was for me, as, accidentally, this seems to be what I am am doing in order to find my way back. Thank you.
I've heard this so often—and I'm truly happy for you.
The same thing happened to me with a paid developmental editor. She told me no one would read my memoir and that the world only needed one Mary Karr. I completely rewrote my memoir following her direction. It took a year. I hope the investment was worth it (time, $, and emotion) as I am about ready now to seek representation/publication.
Love this so much!
Oh, and one more thing! Not a Poster Child got a one-star review (that's one out of 89) very early on that said the reviewer only found the chapter on vaccines to be "heartfelt." That chapter was almost entirely facts and figures. The rest of the book is experiential about how I navigated a lifelong disability, plus a chapter on my dad's death. People have told me they cried in more than one place in the book. So we cannot hang our hopeful hats on one person's opinion.